Current mood:

disappointed

Okay, this is going to be hard for me. I have to confess something. I cheated. I cheated last week. I feel ashamed. However, last night, I was surfing the web while cheating, and I came across a religious website. Then I really felt like shit. However, reading it, i realized there is still hope for me. I threw everything away. No more things around the house to tempt me with. No more! I'm sick of this bullshit. Luckily the person I live with doesn't know. No more of this. I need to have my mind free and clear. I superglued all the bottles together and then wrapped them in bags and threw them out in the dumpster outside. This is my only hope for a decent life. Whenever I did cheat, I kind of gave up. That is my problem. I screw up and then I think I'm not good enough for AA anymore. It makes me feel like if I admit I am weak, everyone will think I'm unworthy. I feel even God will think I'm unworthy. Sometimes I feel I have to be perfect in order to be loved. However, I am not going to give up. I refuse to give up. I am not going to let something this little have this much control.