Fighting Alcoholism

Two Weeks!!!
This may not sound like much of an accomplishment to most people. However, I have now been sober for two weeks!!! 14 days!!! This is the longest I've stayed sober in 3 years. I've been busy lately with work. Also, I've had to do Christmas shopping.

I felt bad last night, almost like I wanted to give up. I went to the Westside Club and sat and had coffee. I go in at different times, so not very many people know me. The only person I really talk to is Tony Bob. I guess I need to be more outgoing. However Tony Bob said not to speak in the meetings until I have 60 days sobriety. I have used those meeting before to vent. If I'm not supposed to speak, then why go? I'd rather just hang out at the club and talk. I really do perfer one on one talking.

Okay, I also wish they had more people there my age. I'll stop whining now. Its just hard sometimes to relate to someone over 30. What seems important to me seems trivial to them and vice versa.

I got over my urge to drink, just by sitting there drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. Even though, I'm not really "social", I still consider it my "safe place." Feeling those heavy cravings just reminds me that I really do have a problem with drinking. That drinking really is poison. I really wish I could do more yesterday. However, I didn't wake up until noon.

I had a good night last night. I stayed up until 3AM decorating the Christmas tree. What I really want for Christmas is one month sobriety.

I'm trying to rely more on God. It is sometimes hard, you know, not listening to Him for so long. Every time I went to church everyone there seemed so perfect. I was just an evil sinner. I used to think no matter how hard I tried I'd just end up in Hell anyways. I just have to remember the ones Jesus hung out with. He didn't hang out with the "perfect" people. He hung out with the screw-ups like me.

Current Mood: accomplished

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