More step four work:
Okay, I was surfing the web and found the website
http://www.zoot2.com/justthefacts/alcohol/yourlife.asp. They had some good questions that can help me through step 4. I omitted the ones about drugs, because I never had a drug problem.
Major Life Areas
There are a number of areas of your life that could be, or have been, affected by your alcohol and other drug use. It is often helpful to look closely at these areas to determine what the consequences have been. This helps you to focus on what areas you really want to change and builds motivation to do it.
Legal
1.) Have you ever participated in illegal activity while under the influences of alcohol or other drugs? i.e., theft, dealing, prostitution, pimping, B&E, assault, impaired driving?
Yes, I used to drive drunk.
2.) Have you ever been charged with alcohol or other drug-related charges?
Yes, I have been charged with a DUI.
3.)What effect did criminal charges have on your life? i.e., custody, restitution, fines?
Well, I have to go to a court case on December 8th, because of it.
Financial
1.)Have you spent money on alcohol and other drugs, that you wish you used for other things?
Yes, I blew my whole vacation money I was going to spend this month, on alcohol and going to bars.
2.) Have you had to take care of court fees and fines?
I will soon.
3.) Have you ever lost a job and pay because of using?
No, but I saw it comming soon, as I was craving more and more at work.
Family
1.) Do the people in your family trust you? Has this changed because of using?
Not really. Well, not all my family members know of my drinking. But, the ones who do, really don't know my actions I will have after I drink.
2.) Are there arguments in your family because of your use?
Yes. I have been constantly told to stop. I have been told that my drinking really hinders my life.
3.)Have you failed to keep promises and meet expectations because of using?
Yes I have. There are so many times on a day off, I'd just sit around and get drunk all day. I'd get nothing done I was supposed to.
4.) Does your family avoid you when you use? Do you avoid them? Have there been incidents of violence in your family because of using?
Not really. The person I live with has even gotten drunk with me and is even willing to stop drinking with me. There was screaming and yelling a lot of times when we was drunk. A lot of words that should have never been said. A lot of hurtful comments.
Friends/Recreation
1.) Do most of your leisure activities involve alcohol or other drugs?
They did. I used to go to Karaoke bars all the time and never wanted to go out unless I could get that drink. Now, I spend my time in AA or researching alcoholism. Anything to remind me not to drink and figure out how I can live a sober life.
2.) Have your friends suggested that you cut down?
Many times, but I had to quit on my own.
3.) Have your friends been embarrassed by your behaviour?
Yes, when I was drunk. I always acted like I was a slut or something and try to do sexy dancing on the dance floor. I'm even embarassed now thinking about it.
4.) Have you argued with your friends about your use?
Yes. But, I had to see how bad I was getting by myself.
5.) Have you failed to keep promises?
I have. I have even made promises drunk and forgotten about them.
6.) Do you trust your friends? Do they trust you?
I really trust noone. I guess I've given people reason not to trust me.
7.) How often do you participate in non-using activities?
I attend meetings whenever I can. It may not be daily because of my insane work schedule. However, I go as often as I can.
8.) Are you no longer interested in activities that you used to like?
I was drinking for so long I have to figure out what activities I like.
9.) Have you lost friends because of using?
Sadly, yes. I'm a bitch when I'm drunk and it makes people not to want to be around me.
School/Job
1.)Have you been suspended or expelled because of using?
No fortunatley.
2.) Have you lost a job because of using?
No, by the grace of God.
Physical Health
1.) Have you ever-experienced blackouts, hallucinations, shakes, seizures, OD'd, vomiting?
Yes, I experienced it all the time while drunk.
2.) Have you been injured when using? i.e., accidents, fights?
I have fallen down stairs. I have fallen and hit my head. I've even been in a fight.
3.) Has a doctor warned you to stop using?
Don't go to a doctor.
4.) Have you had an illness that kept you home due to using?
I've had major hangovers, yes. However I kept going to work feeling miserable. I was feeling miserable all the time. The only time I missed work was when I was withdrawing when I quit the first time.
5.) Have you ever experience "flashbacks"?
What's a flashback?
6.) Have you injected drugs?
I've never been stupid enough to inject alcohol. LOL
Emotional/Spiritual Health
1.) Do you try to "make it through the day"?
I try to go one day at a time now. I used to drink to make it through the day. Now I talk to fellow alcoholics or read. I try to remind myself how much better it is to be sober.
2.)Have you felt guilty or embarrassed about using?
I still feel embarassed about being an alocholic.
3.) Are you depressed about your life?
I was, but now I feel hope. I feel there really is a a God and he cares for me.
4.) Are you moody?
Was, I guess at times I can still be a little bit.
5.) Do you hide how much you're using from family or friends?
My parents never knew I drank.
6.) Do you feel that nothing has turned out right for you?
I did, to the point I felt moving was going to be better. I realized I had to change me and that would be the best thing to do.
7.) Do you use to feel normal?
No, I usually drank to be drunk and more social and what I thought was fun.
8.) Have you tried to hurt yourself? i.e., slashing, burns, skin carving, etc.
I did when I was younger. However, that is a whole other topic.
9.) Do you feel less supported and a connected to others?
I still feel at times I am all alone. I feel better. I know AA is like a family and all I have to do is ask for help and someone will be there. Bt noone can really really dig deep into my brain and help me. I have to do it on my own.
10.) Do you feel as if there is no purpose to your life.
At times I did, and still do. I am still not sure of my purpose.
Well, that is a whole lot of emotional vomit. Time for me to go to bed. I made it through day 7. Well, I have to be up early for work.
Current Mood: 
emotional vomit 
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
alcohol_idenity's journal
drained
disappointed
grateful
worried
cynical
scared
accomplished
good
confused
frustrated
crushed